The Sarcastic Cynic™

Sarcastic and cynical view of the world.

George Bush dies and goes to hell (joke) — August 8, 2016

George Bush dies and goes to hell (joke)

Satan is already waiting for him.

‘Well, I don’t know what to do. See, you’re on my list, but I have no free rooms for you. But you, you definitely have to stay in hell, so I’ll have to find a solution. There are a few people here who aren’t as bad as you are… I guess I’ll let one go and you’ll take their place. However, you can choose whose place you want to take.

‘Oh, that sounds okay I guess’ says Bush.

Satan leads him to the first room and opens the door. In this room, there’s a huge swimming pool. In it, Reagan is drowning. He goes down, then up, then down, then up, and he’s gasping for air all the while.

‘Oh, no,’ says Bush. ‘That’s not for me, I’m a poor swimmer.’

Satan opens the second door. The room is full of rocks and they see Nixon trying to break up the rocks with a wooden hammer.

‘Nah, I have problems with my shoulders and my back, that’d be such a painful thing to do day after day.’

So Satan opens the third door. In the room, they see Clinton lying on the floor, all tied up. Monica Lewinsky is lying on top of Clinton, giving him a blowjob. Bush stares at the scene with a wide smile and says:

‘Ah, that I could endure!’

‘Alright,’ laughs Satan. ‘Monica, you’re free to go!’

 

Saw this in Reddit today

 

French daily Le Monde to stop publishing pictures of terrorists in order to avoid ‘glorifying them in death’ — July 27, 2016

French daily Le Monde to stop publishing pictures of terrorists in order to avoid ‘glorifying them in death’

Finally a news organization will not publish the pictures of terrorists.  I think they should go further by not even printing their names in their publications.

By Freddy Mayhew

France’s best-selling national newspaper has declared it will no longer publish pictures of terrorists who have carried out atrocities in a bid to avoid “glorifying” their actions.

The change in Le Monde’s editorial policy was announced today in an article by its director, Jerome Fenoglio.

It comes in the wake of the murder of an 86-year-old Catholic priest in Rouen, Normandy at the hands of Islamic extremists yesterday.

Fenoglio said (translation by Press Gazette): “Following the attack in Nice, we will no longer publish photographs of those who carry out massacres to avoid the possibility of glorifying them in death.”

He revealed the paper had “changed its protocols [for reporting on terrorism] on several occasions” since the first Islamic State attacks, including taking the decision not to publish images, extracts from propaganda documents or claims made by the terror group.

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Muhammad Ali is Down for the Count — June 4, 2016
U.S. Women’s National Team – U.S. Soccer — May 31, 2016
Nibali wins Giro D’Italia — May 29, 2016

Nibali wins Giro D’Italia

TURIN, Italy (AP) — Riding a completely pink bicycle and patting his teammates, home favorite Vincenzo Nibali clinched a second Giro d’Italia victory and a fourth Grand Tour title on Sunday but Giacomo Nizzolo’s hopes of a first stage win were again dashed as he was disqualified.
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Vincenzo Nibali stands on verge of Giro d’Italia win after late challenge —
Most guys would brag about having a python between their legs… — May 26, 2016

Most guys would brag about having a python between their legs…

Giant Python Sinks Fangs Into Man Sitting on Toilet
 

CHACHOENAGSAO, Thailand — Most guys would brag about having a python between their legs, but not this guy in Thailand. Atthaporn Boonmakchuay is too busy recovering from a terrifying ordeal involving an 11-foot snake that swam up through the toilet he was sitting on in his home, east of Bangkok. The python sank its fangs into his penis!

Wait. It gets worse.

The 11-foot snake would not let go. Boonmakchuay’s bloody penis was being held hostage by a giant serpent.

According to khaosodenglish.com, Boonmakchuay called for his wife to get a rope and managed to tie the python’s head to the bathroom door so he could detach himself “before he passed out from loss of blood,” the site wrote. Boonmakchuay’s wife, Sawittree Shooyoung, tells Thairath that when she entered the bathroom, she saw her bleeding husband fighting a python. She watched as he tied the snake to the door and wrangled himself free before losing consciousness.

Boonmakchuay, 38, is hospitalized in stable condition, according to the site, and has full memory of the bizarre event. He told reporters he carefully unhinged the snake’s jaws rather than forcing the snake free — because he “did not want to risk permanent damage to his self,” the site wrote.

Smart man.

As for the snake, rescue workers dismantled the toilet and were able to take the snake from the home alive — still stuck in the toilet pipe — and were able to smash enough of the fixture to free the snake, which is expected to be released into the wild.

Read more at http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=59a_1464220727#giq0C55ZijC5khHB.99

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