What looked like a comfortable seat in 11F became a cramped space when the woman who had put her bag in the overhead compartment near the emergency exit was brought to sit between the unfriendly guy and I. The unfriendly guy, looked similar to all those who live in my neighborhood. He’s a big no personality schmuck who almost reaches the gargantuan Amazon’s shoulders.

The gargantuan is a friendly mom with a child at the doctor’s office. Maggie is an 18 month old baby. I’m glad when she receives a text just before ground personnel close the door. Her baby is fine. Now she has less worries while she does a Chipotle presentation in New York. “Ladies and gentlemen, the forward door has been closed.” No one is paying attention to the male flight attendant. “At this time all electronic devices must be…” I notice she doesn’t power down her RIM.

Today has been a wonderful day to travel. The first flight to DFW left without me. No problem since I was 21st on the standby list. The first flight of the day had already been cancelled. Yesterday, tornadoes hit the Dallas area, damaging about 100 planes at DFW. I knew my chances were slim that I would get a seat to Dallas. Incredibly, a tall big boned black woman, who could have flown, refused the jump seat. She ignored the gate agent’s remarks and took a few steps backing away from the podium with her fingers inside her nose.

I remained at the podium waiting to be acknowledged. The gate agent had already explained to the remaining passengers…well technically were not passengers since we were left standing outside the gate, that she would take care of us once she finished dispatching flight 1629. I watched the rude flight attendant as she dug deep inside her cavernous nostrils. She pulled a bugger out of her nose, she inspected it and I waited with anticipation to see if she found it tasty. Classy American Airlines flight attendant! She was rude to the gate agent who had explained professionally and clearly, the boarding process. I enjoyed listening her announcements while I called Jet Blue and checked other flights on this dUmb iPad. I hope the digger of buggers remembers to wash her hands before she serves another drink.

After being transferred to the New York standby list, I called Jet Blue to see if I could book a seat on flight 40. This flight would leave 20 minutes earlier than American Airlines 1786. I did this because the gate agent didn’t give me good vibes about the availability of seats on the flight to New York.

After confirming my reservation on Jet Blue using a public phone because I was unable to get a good connection using Verizon Wireless, I left the Airside Terminal to go to the Landside Terminal. Why is there no way to transfer between Airsides without having to be screened again? This is an inconvenience that I was ready to conquer, “but why would they build this airport with this defect?” I wondered.

Normally, I have no problem going through security, since I stopped bringing electronics like computers, DVD players, and CD players, and I also make sure I don’t step on dog feces on the way to the airport.

Well, today was going to be my day to get treated differently at the screening point. Within one airport with two Airsides ( Blue and Red ) the screening process is so different. I didn’t alarm through either check point, but the TSA agents decided I needed a massage before I was allowed to travel on Jet Blue.

I got the spiel of how his rubber gloved hands were going to touch my buttocks, chest, and groin. I told him to proceed and get it over. I don’t understand why the TSA wastes so much of their attention on an experienced traveller.

I’m now wondering why the TSA is needed. Has anyone seen a TSA agent on board an American jetliner assisting crew members, subdue “unruly” persons? Many incidents that made the news did not mention any government muscle assisting the crew.

“Sylvia…you want a bagel too?” the Thai asked the humpbacked lady. I’m at the bagel joint, (Hot Bialys Bagels) on the corner of Queens Boulevard and 78th Avenue, rewriting this for myself, while Mireille does the Sunday Crossword. I looked up when Sylvia was asked the question, and the attractive woman on the other side of the room also looked up. She smiled and I think I smiled back. She’s with a man who hasn’t yet shaved. They don’t seem a racial match. She’s Asian he’s Arabic.

I spoke to a few people after my testicles were felt up. According to the TSA there is only one policy concerning all passengers. Really? Why then am I treated differently at Delta and American. There I am allowed to go through a metal detector. At A12 in the Tampa International Airport, the experience is a bit more physical and sexual. A man watching me being felt up in public said he almost had a hard on seeing my screening. He makes a comment about how he enjoyed his last massage in Thailand. I guess he received a happy ending. I didn’t. I asked to speak to a supervisor.

Now I’m watching a free movie courtesy of the flight crew. Jet Blue has been great. I was given 11F, with an empty seat in the middle. Imagine all the room I had to spread out at the emergency exit? Now I feel cramped and the need to go to the bathroom is making me more uncomfortable. I shouldn’t drink those 8.5 fl. oz. bottles so quickly. We’re starting to fly in choppy air, again!

I can’t believe her thighs don’t quite fit in these seats. Every times she moves the armrest goes up. She’s not too comfortable in her middle emergency seat. When I went to the galley to ask for more bottles of water and to request a colder cabin, I stopped for a few seconds to speak to Mireille . The Amazon was seated next to her in the middle seat. She was supposed to sit in 15B. How does she manage to get such seats?

The reason I gave up on trying to visit my family in Texas was twofold. The first, a tornado hit the area yesterday. The second, Easter is only three days away. The hailstorm that hit the airport damaged 100 jets, a devastating blow to a great airline. American Airlines filed for bankruptcy a few months ago, and this is not what they needed. This airline is trying to negotiate with the unions without any success. The company is asking the court for permission to void all the contracts.

Just now the seat belt sign has been illuminated and the fellow who speaks without periods states the obvious. “ladies and gentlemen the seat belt sign…” and the pilot tells us we’re 65 miles from the airport, approximately 15 minutes away from landing at John F. Kennedy International airport.

Welcome back to the jungle. Two dings…the final descent! All electronic devices need to be powered down. I close my dUmb iPad and grab the camera. I’ll take a few shots as we descend.

Sent from my iPad