The Sarcastic Cynic™

Sarcastic and cynical view of the world.

Hello Mr. Whitaker — December 14, 2013

Hello Mr. Whitaker

Mr. Whitaker have you met yet with Mr. Petro? Have you any knowledge of Colombia’s Constitution? Have you any knowledge of the Constitution of the United States of America? Have you ever heard of the problems some mayors and governors have caused in the US of A, while snorting drugs and running around with prostitutes? Do you not think that the peace process with the Fuerzas Armadas is a topic that has nothing to do with a mayor that has run amock?

Let’s keep out of the internal problems of a nation that has combated terrorists, that have been receiving funds indirectly from the citizens of the United States of America. Let me remind you of our drug problem, which is going to be worse now that Uruguay has become the first nation to legalize the possession and consumption of a narcotic.

Let me remind you of your duty in this nation before our president recalls you back to Washington, D.C.

Let me remind you of the bigger problems being tackled in Syria, Libya, Iran, Israel and all the Arab nations that are cowering behind our soldiers. Please refrain your tongue and think before opening your mouth before spewing out words of wisdom in affairs that shouldn’t concern you.

Elections in the Republic of Colombia are as free, just as they are in the United States of America, except that in the US of A, it is the Electoral College who decides the “real” president of the United States of America.

Good morning from Cali, Colombia
Saturday, December 14, 2013

Sent from my dumB iPad

The SarcasticCynic is currently in South América, trying to make sense… — December 13, 2013

The SarcasticCynic is currently in South América, trying to make sense…

…of this continent that has turned this world into a mess.  The nation of Uruguay has decriminalized the use or possession of marijuana.  Finally someone has taken a stance in the Americas.  It was about time.  Now the problem become someone else’s.  Congratulations Uruguay for having the “balls” to legalize the consumption of this narcotic.  I hope their treasury becomes so rich that its citizens will enjoy the profits from the taxes I’m sure they’ll impose.

 

Sri Air, an experience in comfort. — December 4, 2013

Sri Air, an experience in comfort.

Sri Air, an experience in comfort.

On board Sri Air, Non-stop service to Boise, Idaho, featuring a soft-speaking effeminate sounding flight leader,  a polite black male,  a mustachioed little fat man, a  red-haired blonde white female, and hard working polite black male.

My neighbors: a man from India, a Mitt Romney from Utah, and curly.

Price: €5. Sri Lankan Expense cards are warmly welcomed on all Sri Air flights. MasterCard, Visa, Discover and Diners Club are also accepted.

How nice to warmly accept my plastic for payment. I hear [coffee, coffee! coffee]. The little fat guy is screaming. I was getting ready to jump to action. I could hear him clearly through my Miguel Bosé signature Noise Canceling headphones. Now everybody who sings has a new gimmick to make someone more money. “Do you have a napkin?” I ask the little fat man who is now picking up the trash he just created. He raises his eyebrows in a peculiar way. He’s trying to tell me, by his expression that he is only picking up trash. “Bring them later I tell him before… [a ding???turbulence! cruising at 34 thousand and please remain in your seats…co-pilot announces]… I short circuit his eyebrows.

So far a very nice flight to Boise, Idaho where I will meet Edward and his son Martin. He was born over 21 years ago, Edward married recently Beata, Martin’s mother. My first ski trip of the year. [Double ding and I hear nothing else] Napkins still haven’t arrived 0830. I’m going to wait for eyebrows the little fat man to see if he does return, bringing the napkins I requested.

Seated next to me is a man from India and a crossword nut, wearing corduroy pants, a yellow checkered shirt, a blue vest and white hair. He’s studying the puzzle before he puts the pen to paper.

[Ding seat belt sign is now off] Still no napkins and no little fat man!

Watching trailers for some crappy movies…Jackie Robinson, a study in racism. Nothing much has changed in the United States of America #42 a number Mariano Rivera retired with this year with the NY Yankees. The Wolverine, R.I.P.D.,THE PURGE, Pain & Gain, , Pacific Rim. I’m throwing away better movies on DVD, than these on board Sri Air.

I give up waiting…I ring the call button and the fight leader tells me the napkins are in the restroom. Why would napkins be in the restroom I don’t need female sanitary napkins. I guess he misunderstood my hand gestures. It’s very difficult to hear passengers when they’re being drowned by the din of the wind hitting the wing and the engines and the other guests. Mr. X-word, is probably wearing Dependability diapers, and Idaho is sleeping like a baby. He just adjusted his legs to slide further in under the seat in front of him.

2 Guns, Adore, more air bubbles percolating in the atmosphere. Bumps in the air but no ding from the cockpit.

    Adore

…talk about a complicated relationship. Provocative and troubling…

Mothers in search of sexual action…an increasingly complicated relationship. Liaisons with danger, Adore..”I don’t want to stop. I don’t see why I have to.”

Imagine me falling in love with my best friend’s daughter and he mine. Would never happen but Woody Allen did something more outrageous. He married Soon Ji, his step daughter

The East, experience the horror of your crime. More adjustments by Idaho. Now we’re knee to knee. Conjuring,

Pretty black woman wearing red and black, tripped over someone in the aisle. She looks back to see damage and continues to restroom.

Fast and Furious 6… Rest in Peace, an actor died yesterday while seated in the passenger seat of a Porsche. They might have been filming without a permit. Saw news in Fayetteville, NC. I drove up yesterday using Interstate road 95 in a Hinid Discord at the speed limits mandated by the counties intersecting 301. This is a dangerous road for speeders, tickets are gladly given by The Great Gatsby,

Water run skips us…Idaho wakes up…red head avoids us because of the man in the aisle. She moves on to the front of the plane. This is the first time I’ve seen this flight attendant. I’ve seen three black men numerous times. The whites are hiding.

The Hangover III, “I can’t believe my daddy is dead, I could think of many other people I would have preferred dying before him….like my mother…!”

Idaho rests both hands on the TV screen. He’s using his thumbs to tap the screen into action.

Ciao, arrivederci, good crew, minus the whites.

“I believe I can fly.” A line in this dumb movie.

The flight attendants seem to be avoiding eye contact with their guests. The 2 white ones rushed through without serving anything, to rows 27 – 20. Row 19 Yes!

Time to be obnoxious with my only weapon.

The shade…tall black, and little fat man walk by, going towards the front of this airplane, and no sooner than typing these few letters, the little fat man, makes a u-turn to return to hide in the cavernous galley of this 757 200-E.

Time to order food.

I have to ask Idaho if he ever intends to get up, and I don’t mean that kind of get up men experience in their sleep. Another walk through and no cart is present. I ask the tall black gentleman if they’re going to do a second service by asking if he is going to come out with the cart. I ask for Coke and two bags of peanuts, Curly looks back at me. Nosy curly sits in the aisle and I, in my prison by the window. Flying is not like what I used to remember doing. Cramped seats, grumpy old men, nosy curly haired men. I guess I also qualify in the nosy,curly,grumpy category. The coke and peanuts are still not here. I don’t know about…”Sir!” I hear someone exclaim. “Oh, thank you.” I respond. I like this crewman. I think he’s an asset to this airline. I will write a commendation. He is the most gracious, polite, sharp dressed young man of this crew.

They finally let me get out for good behavior. I slide quickly across three seats before, white hair changes his mind. The two instead of stepping out into the aisle on the same side, bookend end me between them. White hair is tall and Idaho is not as tall. I tap white hair. He glares at me, looking down his nose at puny little me. I know his type. They run for president of the United States of America and pay no taxes. A la Mitt Romney.

I go towards the Lavatory by the,Left Second door of the plane where I’ve been watching with envy many people emptying their organs. A woman who has probably had an orgasm while flushing, jumps ahead in front of me. Darn it. I race to the other section and before the three vacationing flight attendants intercept me, I open the door and breathe a sigh of relief. Upon exiting the lavatory, I notice the red haired one is still holding a blue tray with cups filled to the brim with water. That’s about two hours since she missed our row. What a strong woman! I also notice the two men with their smart phones busy tapping away. No wonder they disappeared. They’re too busy enjoying the internet and talking to each other. Sri Air might like to read about their actions. I’ll have to inquire about their “service standards.”

I stop by the galley where people have been serving themselves for about 2 hours. She approaches me and rudely tells me about her job security. I had taken a cup and filled myself one with water from a large bottle. I’m dehydrated and suffering from leg cramps. Flying really is not what I used to remember. The seats seem even more cramped than ever. I wonder if I can sue Sri Air, for damages and lack of service. I fill two cups and ask for a third because she has emptied the bottle I was using. Job security indeed! This blindfish older woman should perhaps curb her tongue and do some customer service. There she goes again to the front of the cabin.

I return in the direction of my seat and White hair tries to put me back in prison. I refused his “kind” offer. Idaho is still not back. I continue to the rear galley where I run in the hippie that has the most walking mileage on this flight. It will be a minute he yell to his wife who is about ten rows away. “What,” is all I lip read. Hippie wants to know gates and locations of airlines in Boise.

I enquire about the food and find it unacceptable at those prices. I’ll eat at Idaho’s finest Chinese restaurant. PfChang!

Oh my, blindfish is returning from the front carrying nothing. She must be resting her arms.

I return to my row, but instead of sitting down I stay by white hair who ignores me. Good! I see the Captain exit his work area to use the bathroom and I see the little black man run to the second galley. He takes from the food cart, a fruit and cheese plate and a sandwich. The Captain accepts the unacceptable food. It’s sad how the little fat man, fawns to this “god of the air.”

Little mustache is still in his cave..oops he just goes by to talk to sharp, polite flight attendant in second galley.

Outside it’s still cloudy, sunny and hot and cold. Here comes the cart with little mustache going backwards. Where’s “job security?” 1:16 to go 10967m, flying over Colorado. Near Boulder.

We’ve landed and I start to put my stuff away. I pick up X-word’s paper to see how much he has done. He’s an amateur crossword solver. Not much in 5 hours.

When I exit, there are still passengers inside the tube that carried us to Boise, and there is no one to greet me, to thank me for flying Sri Air. I look back and notice a uniformed flight attendant in the premium economy section of the plane. “Oh I work for the airline, I’m going home,” she tells me when I ask her why she is still sitting there. I thank Moonique and Tawanda, after they place a sticker on my boarding card. I am the tail of the boarding conga line.

There’s someone seated in my seat.

Indulge, relax, and rejuvenate with a visit to Serenity Spa by Westgate. This world-class facility is a full-service, mountain retreat-style spa. Let us pamper you in a grand setting that will surely be a highlight of your stay. With 30,000 square feet of luxurious treatment rooms and magnificent amenities, Serenity Spa by Westgate promises a vacation within your vacation.

Too bad flying is not like this advertisement in my hotel. Breathe in and relax.

Sent from my dumB iPad

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